With the increasing development of advanced technologies and new materials, recent trends in laser processing-assisted two-dimensional (2D) functional materials have gained significant interest. The ability to precisely control the features of these 2D materials through laser processing has expanded their potential applications in various fields. This review presents a comprehensive summary of recent trends in and potential applications of laser-assisted processing of 2D functional materials. General concepts of working principles, key parameters (i.e., laser wavelength, pulse duration, and repetition rate), and technical approaches (i.e., direct laser writing, doping, thinning, and creating defects) of laser processing are first introduced and discussed carefully. Laser processing-assisted 2D functional materials are then extensively discussed and listed. Finally, some specific applications (i.e., sensing devices, semiconductors, supercapacitors, and batteries, etc.) of laser processing-assisted 2D functional materials are presented. This review provides insights into laser processing-assisted 2D functional materials, offering guidance to researchers and industries on selecting the most suitable advanced technologies and potential 2D materials. This review also offers viewpoints and outlooks for future research directions and potential innovations that will markedly contribute to advances in laser processing-assisted 2D functional materials.